June 2012
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Best Author-on-Author Insults In History
Virginia Woolf on James Joyce: [Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.
Harold Bloom on J.K. Rowling: How to read ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone’? Why, very quickly, to begin with, and perhaps also to make an end. Why read it? Presumably, if you cannot be persuaded to read anything better, Rowling will have to do.
H. G. Wells on George Bernard Shaw: An idiot child screaming in a hospital.
Ralph Waldo Emerson on Jane Austen: Miss Austen’s novels . . . seem to me vulgar in tone, sterile in artistic invention, imprisoned in the wretched conventions of English society, without genius, wit, or knowledge of the world.
William Faulkner on Ernest Hemingway: He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
Ernest Hemingway on William Faulkner: Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?
W. H. Auden on Robert Browning: I don’t think Robert Browning was very good in bed. His wife probably didn’t care for him very much. He snored and had fantasies about twelve-year-old girls.
Mark Twain on Jane Austen: Every time I read ‘Pride and Prejudice,’ I want to dig her up and hit her over the skull with her own shin-bone.
Truman Capote on Jack Kerouac: That's not writing, it's typing.
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Hi!
So there have been a lot of people who have been questioning about my new job at Vector Marketing, and ya’ll have probably done your research and from your research you have found unfavorable words such as ‘scam’ or ‘waste of time/money/energy’.[[MORE]]
I can’t say none of those words are not true, because unlike a stable job Vector doesn’t depend...
May 2012
52 posts
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stayforeverawesome:
Ritsuko Okazaki - 空色...
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I wish
that every time someone angers me, I can easily forgive them just as I do my dogs when they shit on my carpet.
But I also wish people were as cute as dogs.
Probably improbable, huh? Whatever, look at my baby Caramel when she was a pups! So cute. This was such before she pissed on my bed too, but soooo cyoote
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The following quotations are taken from official...
Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness: "I only have one, you know."
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Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
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Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
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Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
Witness: "July 15th."
Lawyer: "What year?"
Witness: "Every year."
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Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
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Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
Witness: "Er...his face."
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Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
Witness: "I forget."
Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"
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Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
Witness: "Forty-five years."
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Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."
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Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
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Lawyer: "What happened then?"
Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
Witness: "No."
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Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
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Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
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Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"
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Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
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Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
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Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
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Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
Witness: "That's me."
Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"
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Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"
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Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"
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Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
Witness: "None."
Lawyer: "Were there girls?"
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Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
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Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
Witness: "Borofkin."
Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
Witness: "I can't remember."
Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
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Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Witness: "No."
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Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
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Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Witness: "Yes sir."
Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"
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Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
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Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
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Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness: "I could see his head."
Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
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Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness: "The victim lived."
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sentimental shit
i’m sitting here with all my fanime purchases and it’s sad in two parts: one, it’s over and two, it’s my last relaxed fanime.
the past few days i’ve been hit with realizations of actual responsibility. graduation, getting a car, getting a job (buy my knives!), moving away from my mom, going to university. all these thoughts and so much more, oh god, i spent about 2...
Anonymous asked: don't tell anyone about tumblrtasks(.)com but i made $400 this week on it lol
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Anonymous asked: how tall are you?
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Anonymous asked: Lol half of your followers are on tumblrdatinggame(.)com
Anonymous asked: oh wow hah youre realllly prettyyyy.
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amazingsongs:
The Fray - You Found Me
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My first essay in high school.
Nhu Ngo
English 1A
Period 2
August 28, 2008
Analysis on No Man Is an Island
No man can say that he is isolated from all of mankind and no man can survive being isolated from all of mankind. In John Donne’s poem, “No Man Is an Island” he expresses his ideas that man cannot survive on his own, as an “island”. Rather that, man is only able...
Someone hire me for the summer. A nice place that doesn’t tan me too much. Pls.
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The Forever 21 and H&M catalog is basically my mom’s clothes from the 80s and 90s.
why is this $23.
just saying, if you want these pants just go to a thrift store buy something similar for like $4 and use a sewing machine to get the ‘skinny’ look. but why bother, most of these pants are skinny anyhow since it was the style of the 80s. srs. it’s a good skill to...
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I went to the cemetery today to visit my auntie with my mumsies and cousins. There are always so many people there on Mother’s Day, and it’s always saddening to see how many people, young and elderly, have lost their mother.
Though at the same time, it’s always so cute with all the flowers, balloons, and other gifts that they bring. How people just sit there for...
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To be an Avenger, there are two requirements:
1. Have a special skill-set, particularly one that can harm people both physically and mentally.
2. Be extremely attractive.
That is all.
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flamingogurl:
ratatat-seventeen years
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